then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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