I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we're so committed to being not committed
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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