Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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