...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
