Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
