He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
