and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
