I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
