Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
