Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
