Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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