I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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