then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
