i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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