you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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