this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
