k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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