dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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