can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
