there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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