just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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