One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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