well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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