Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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