My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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