I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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