I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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