I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
