You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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