oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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