his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
