I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
