T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A+ Viking dick
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
