Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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