On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize