Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
did you just send me my own nude
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
