is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
