I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
