she woke up with a sticky ear
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
