Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
