I'm really into asian looking animals
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
this is an emotional support booty call
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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