i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
