I'm going to jail i love you
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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