sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
