I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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