my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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