Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
