wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
