This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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