Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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