Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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