i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
