my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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