omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
