he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize