sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
