Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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