I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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