I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
