i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
