OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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