Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
