sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
