dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
