he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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