Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
