oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
