Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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