I'm really into asian looking animals
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
